For Me

This blog is for me. It has been one year (almost) since I had my last baby. I gained 60 pounds during my Dan pregnancy. I lost 40 pounds within a couple months of Dan being born. It was easy, I did nothing but nurse and the weight came off. But, I still have the other 20 pounds. And, I still have 10 pounds from my Nicole's pregnancy. And, I have 40 pounds from when I got married. I weigh 70 pounds more than when I first got married and it is starting to weigh on me.

I don't usually concern myself with my weight because it stresses me out. I don't like to be obsessed with what I eat and when I eat and how much I eat. It really brings me down. It makes me less of the happy person that I am. Plus, I love food, I love to cook, and I don't like to make things taste less good by making it "healthy."

But, I've been looking at myself lately, and I don't like what I see. I don't feel pretty or sexy. I feel like perma-mommy, which is to say, always a mommy, a mommy body all the time, not a hot wife body. I want to feel like a hot wife again.

But, to do that, it will need a lot of work. It will mean changing what I eat and exercising. I did LA Weightloss with my parents many years ago and I lost 9 pounds in 2 weeks and I was already a size 10 (which is small). So, I know that if I change what I do, the pounds can come off fairly easily, but it is a matter of commitment. If I am going to do this, I have to commit. I have to do it and do it right. I have to throw myself into a meal outline and exercise plan and stick to it.

But, this means that I have to give up my excuses. No more, "I'm tired." No more, "The kids won't let me." Or, "I don't want to make two meals." I know that my wonderful husband will back me in whatever decision I make. He has thus far. He has watched me gain and gain and hasn't pressured me to change a thing. He loves me no matter what. So, in deciding to change my weight, he will support me in this.

I want to do this for me. Not for my husband or for other's perceptions, but for me, so that I can feel better about me.