I haven't lost weight in months now. I know why I haven't lost any weight, because I haven't been trying. This semester has been... really really hard. I'm not even in school, but I refer to periods of time by "semester." That is sad in itself.
Between school and work, Matt and I rarely get any time together. I am a single parent whenever I am with the kids. And it is hard. And I find myself alone three nights a week, sitting on my bed and watching dumb TV... and then I get bored and I go and get a snack. Peanut butter bread, a bowl of ice cream, a ho ho, or cookies. Oh yeah, I love sweets at bedtime. Hence the not losing weight. But, luckily, I am not gaining weight either. I try and eat healthy during the day and then splurge at night. Bad Becky.
In addition to the stress of being alone all the time... I've got the baby hunger. And my body is just not agreeing with me right now. I want more babies! Matt is going to finish school next semester and I want our family to keep on growing. Unfortunately, my depo shot that I got in February is working a little too well. I haven't had a period since June. The doctor says that I can still get pregnant even if I'm not having a regular cycle, but I'm doubtful of that.
I'm watching my sister go through the last week of pregnancy and it is miserable... because the last week is always miserable. And even though it remind me of how horrible being pregnant is, I'm also reminded that her new little baby is going to be here in a week and pregnancy is all worth it when you have that sweet newborn in your arms. Yeah, I've got the baby hunger.
But, I suppose it is all for the best because perhaps with how tough this semester is, pregnancy would make it unbearable. So, I have to suppose that it will happen when it is meant to happen, even though I sometimes get anxious to make the life that I want to happen, happen now. But, realistically, the life I want to happen won't be until Matt graduates and has a career.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
TMI
This post is a TMI post, so if you are uncomfortable reading about periods and pregnancy, don't read this post.
My exercise and diet program have been a little off as of late. First, I got injured at church and couldn't do my regular Insanity work outs with my injury. I still can't, my shoulder still hurts, but I can do my elliptical.
Then, about two weeks ago, I started feeling nauseated. I was nauseated every morning and night. I started to feel exhausted and grumpy and picking foods that I wanted to eat became challenging because most things sounded bad.
I immediately did period math and realized that it had been 31 days since my last period. I decided to wait it out a few days and see what happened. After a couple of days, nothing had happened, so I went and bought a pregnancy test. Negative.
Now some back story. I have been using the Depo shot for birth control and I usually do not have a period. When my shot was due in May, I opted not to get my booster because I want to get pregnant at the end of the year and last time I used this shot, it took me nine months after the shot to get pregnant, so I have to plan WAY in advance.
But, I didn't want to get pregnant in May if my Depo wore off after three months. So, I started using the Nuva ring. Which, I only used for a week because it gave me painful cramps and messed with my emotions. I was up and down and crazy lady. So, I opted to start tracking my cycles myself and becoming my own birth control through being very aware of where I was in my cycle. I bought a book and everything to teach myself how to do this.
The only problem with this plan is that my body is totally thrown off. After I stopped my Depo I got a period. Then, when I stopped the Nuva Ring, I got another period. Then, 22 days later, I got another period. It was obvious that my body was out of whack and NOT on regular cycles. I didn't seem to be ovulating at all either.
So, when I started feeling pregnant at the end of July, I thought that it was very unlikely since my body has been so off. So, I waited a week. But, I was still feeling sick and tired. So, I took another test... still negative. So, I continue onward. It has been 47 days since my last period. I have had cramping but no bleeding, still nauseated and exhausted.
So, I've tried working out, but I feel exhausted and dizzy after fifteen hard minutes on the elliptical. I have been forcing myself to continue with my mostly veggie diet even though it usually makes me feel more sick and I end up eating a lot less because the veggies make me sick.
Additionally, I have stopped losing weight. My diet hasn't changed too much, other than that I am eating less. And my exercise is a lot less since I just don't seem to have the energy to do much. I get off work (sitting down for 8 hours) and I'm so tired! I actually started gaining weight again. It is really annoying since I have been working so hard to lose.
I don't know what is wrong with me. I'm obviously not pregnant because two pregnancy tests have told me so, but there is something wrong with me. I'm going to keep trying with the diet and the exercise as I can and if things persist for the next couple weeks, I will go to the doctor.
I've heard of women skipping periods for one or two months, but in the past, when I'm not on birth control, I have been fairly regular.
My exercise and diet program have been a little off as of late. First, I got injured at church and couldn't do my regular Insanity work outs with my injury. I still can't, my shoulder still hurts, but I can do my elliptical.
Then, about two weeks ago, I started feeling nauseated. I was nauseated every morning and night. I started to feel exhausted and grumpy and picking foods that I wanted to eat became challenging because most things sounded bad.
I immediately did period math and realized that it had been 31 days since my last period. I decided to wait it out a few days and see what happened. After a couple of days, nothing had happened, so I went and bought a pregnancy test. Negative.
Now some back story. I have been using the Depo shot for birth control and I usually do not have a period. When my shot was due in May, I opted not to get my booster because I want to get pregnant at the end of the year and last time I used this shot, it took me nine months after the shot to get pregnant, so I have to plan WAY in advance.
But, I didn't want to get pregnant in May if my Depo wore off after three months. So, I started using the Nuva ring. Which, I only used for a week because it gave me painful cramps and messed with my emotions. I was up and down and crazy lady. So, I opted to start tracking my cycles myself and becoming my own birth control through being very aware of where I was in my cycle. I bought a book and everything to teach myself how to do this.
The only problem with this plan is that my body is totally thrown off. After I stopped my Depo I got a period. Then, when I stopped the Nuva Ring, I got another period. Then, 22 days later, I got another period. It was obvious that my body was out of whack and NOT on regular cycles. I didn't seem to be ovulating at all either.
So, when I started feeling pregnant at the end of July, I thought that it was very unlikely since my body has been so off. So, I waited a week. But, I was still feeling sick and tired. So, I took another test... still negative. So, I continue onward. It has been 47 days since my last period. I have had cramping but no bleeding, still nauseated and exhausted.
So, I've tried working out, but I feel exhausted and dizzy after fifteen hard minutes on the elliptical. I have been forcing myself to continue with my mostly veggie diet even though it usually makes me feel more sick and I end up eating a lot less because the veggies make me sick.
Additionally, I have stopped losing weight. My diet hasn't changed too much, other than that I am eating less. And my exercise is a lot less since I just don't seem to have the energy to do much. I get off work (sitting down for 8 hours) and I'm so tired! I actually started gaining weight again. It is really annoying since I have been working so hard to lose.
I don't know what is wrong with me. I'm obviously not pregnant because two pregnancy tests have told me so, but there is something wrong with me. I'm going to keep trying with the diet and the exercise as I can and if things persist for the next couple weeks, I will go to the doctor.
I've heard of women skipping periods for one or two months, but in the past, when I'm not on birth control, I have been fairly regular.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Update
So, it has been 6 weeks since I last did my measurements. I just haven't felt like measuring in a while because I didn't feel like my body had changed very much. But, this week, I put on my size 14 pants and they fit! So, I knew it was time to measure and see how many inches I have lost.
Dominant Arm: 14.25 in (-.25)
Neck: Ooops, forgot to measure
Chest: 42 in (+.5 all depends on the bra I'm wearing)
Waist: 36.5 in (-1.5)
1" below the belly button: 42.75 in (-1.75)
Hips: 44.75 in (-2.5)
Thigh: 27.5 in (0)
Calf: 16.5 in (0)
Weight: 203 lbs
Inches lost in the last 6 weeks: 5.5 in
Weight lost in the last 6 weeks: 10 lbs
Total inches lost: -18.5 in
Total weight lost: 27 lbs
I have now been doing this for 14 weeks. 14 weeks is more than 3 months and I have almost made my first bench mark which is a 30lb loss. It will put me at 200lbs. The last time I was 200lbs was 2 years ago before I was pregnant with Dan. I think that if I keep going, I can definitely make that goal.
I can feel a difference in my body, especially my waist, hips, and butt. Now, if only I can lose a little in my arms and legs, I'll be even happier.
Dominant Arm: 14.25 in (-.25)
Neck: Ooops, forgot to measure
Chest: 42 in (+.5 all depends on the bra I'm wearing)
Waist: 36.5 in (-1.5)
1" below the belly button: 42.75 in (-1.75)
Hips: 44.75 in (-2.5)
Thigh: 27.5 in (0)
Calf: 16.5 in (0)
Weight: 203 lbs
Inches lost in the last 6 weeks: 5.5 in
Weight lost in the last 6 weeks: 10 lbs
Total inches lost: -18.5 in
Total weight lost: 27 lbs
I have now been doing this for 14 weeks. 14 weeks is more than 3 months and I have almost made my first bench mark which is a 30lb loss. It will put me at 200lbs. The last time I was 200lbs was 2 years ago before I was pregnant with Dan. I think that if I keep going, I can definitely make that goal.
I can feel a difference in my body, especially my waist, hips, and butt. Now, if only I can lose a little in my arms and legs, I'll be even happier.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Diets and Vacations are Non-Mixy
So last week I went on vacation to Bear Lake for a family reunion. The hardest part of this vacation was not getting to choose what I ate, when I ate or what I did while I was there.
Each family was in charge of a meal at the reunion and I had no control of what I was eating. I could only control my portions.
I also didn't exercise at all because there were family events going on the whole time. I feel off my game.
Yesterday I stood on the scale and I was up 4 pounds. I was so discouraged. I have worked so hard to lose 24 pounds and then I gained 4 back. But, I think it was just water weight or something because when I stood on the scale this morning, I was back down to 207; a 23 pound loss. So, maybe I am not as bad off as I first thought.
I'm back on the wagon this week; salads for lunches, shakes for breakfast and light dinners full of veggies. And, I am starting exercise again this week. I must move forward!
Each family was in charge of a meal at the reunion and I had no control of what I was eating. I could only control my portions.
I also didn't exercise at all because there were family events going on the whole time. I feel off my game.
Yesterday I stood on the scale and I was up 4 pounds. I was so discouraged. I have worked so hard to lose 24 pounds and then I gained 4 back. But, I think it was just water weight or something because when I stood on the scale this morning, I was back down to 207; a 23 pound loss. So, maybe I am not as bad off as I first thought.
I'm back on the wagon this week; salads for lunches, shakes for breakfast and light dinners full of veggies. And, I am starting exercise again this week. I must move forward!
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Sick... Again
I was sick over the weekend, so I took a few days off from exercising. Yesterday, I was feeling a lot better, so I got on my elliptical... and failed. I was exhausted after 5 minutes and couldn't handle any resistance. My lungs hurt, I started to gasp and gave up at 13 minutes.
I'm weak. I was doing so well last week and then I totally sucked yesterday. I guess I am just not better yet because I find it highly unlikely that I am out of shape within a week. It sucks feeling weak. I was feeling so strong. But, my lungs got the better of me and I rushed for my inhaler.
But, I am happy to report that despite my sickness, I was still able to drop two pounds. I've now lost 22 pounds total. Yay! Must keep going.
I'm weak. I was doing so well last week and then I totally sucked yesterday. I guess I am just not better yet because I find it highly unlikely that I am out of shape within a week. It sucks feeling weak. I was feeling so strong. But, my lungs got the better of me and I rushed for my inhaler.
But, I am happy to report that despite my sickness, I was still able to drop two pounds. I've now lost 22 pounds total. Yay! Must keep going.
Friday, June 22, 2012
Failure
This week I feel like a failure. Not a failure with my diet, but with my exercise.
We have been sleep training and it has been just... emotionally frustrating. It is still a fight at bedtime. There is crying there is tantrums, there is putting her back in her room a lot, and there is peeing the pants and it is extremely draining.
Some nights it is short, it is done by 9pm. But other times... it is 10pm or 11pm. And by the end of it, I do not have the strength to exercise because I am mentally and emotionally drained by all the crying.
Fighting Nicole every night is just so draining that I lose the will to do anything afterward, I just want to hit my pillow and fall asleep.
So, I have only worked out twice this week and it shows. I've lost zero weight this week.
I hope that bedtime goes better this weekend so that I can have time to myself to work out at night.
Or, maybe I should be waking up at 5am to workout before I go to work. I don't know, but things just aren't happening right now. It is really hard waking up early when I don't fall asleep until 11pm at night because Nicole is up so late.
I just need a push, I need some motivation. Anyone have some motivation that I can borrow?
We have been sleep training and it has been just... emotionally frustrating. It is still a fight at bedtime. There is crying there is tantrums, there is putting her back in her room a lot, and there is peeing the pants and it is extremely draining.
Some nights it is short, it is done by 9pm. But other times... it is 10pm or 11pm. And by the end of it, I do not have the strength to exercise because I am mentally and emotionally drained by all the crying.
Fighting Nicole every night is just so draining that I lose the will to do anything afterward, I just want to hit my pillow and fall asleep.
So, I have only worked out twice this week and it shows. I've lost zero weight this week.
I hope that bedtime goes better this weekend so that I can have time to myself to work out at night.
Or, maybe I should be waking up at 5am to workout before I go to work. I don't know, but things just aren't happening right now. It is really hard waking up early when I don't fall asleep until 11pm at night because Nicole is up so late.
I just need a push, I need some motivation. Anyone have some motivation that I can borrow?
Monday, June 18, 2012
20 Down, 20 to Go
I stood on the scale this morning and was happy to see... 210lbs. Yay!
Okay, most people don't "yay" when they see a 200+ number on the scale, but this means that I have officially lost 20lbs!
Granted, it took me 10 weeks to lose that much, but still, yay! With 20lbs off, I am down one size in my pants. I've gone from an 18 pant size to a 16. I only own three pairs of size 16 that I bought when I first got pregnant with Nicole and was in denial about maternity pants, but that is okay, I will wear those three pairs until I get down to size 14, in which I have a lot of pants.
I haven't taken my measurements in a couple weeks, but I know that they have changed a little because my clothes feel different. My waist, my hips, my butt, and my chest all feel smaller. Unfortunately, I haven't noticed a difference in my arms and legs yet. But, this just means that I have to work harder to see that difference.
Last time I was this weight, Nicole was 9 months old. I lost ten more pounds before I became pregnant with Dan. My goal is to lose at least 20 more pounds before trying to get pregnant again. Hopefully, it doesn't take me another 10 weeks. But, if it does, then that is okay as long as I am going in the right direction.
Okay, most people don't "yay" when they see a 200+ number on the scale, but this means that I have officially lost 20lbs!
Granted, it took me 10 weeks to lose that much, but still, yay! With 20lbs off, I am down one size in my pants. I've gone from an 18 pant size to a 16. I only own three pairs of size 16 that I bought when I first got pregnant with Nicole and was in denial about maternity pants, but that is okay, I will wear those three pairs until I get down to size 14, in which I have a lot of pants.
I haven't taken my measurements in a couple weeks, but I know that they have changed a little because my clothes feel different. My waist, my hips, my butt, and my chest all feel smaller. Unfortunately, I haven't noticed a difference in my arms and legs yet. But, this just means that I have to work harder to see that difference.
Last time I was this weight, Nicole was 9 months old. I lost ten more pounds before I became pregnant with Dan. My goal is to lose at least 20 more pounds before trying to get pregnant again. Hopefully, it doesn't take me another 10 weeks. But, if it does, then that is okay as long as I am going in the right direction.
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